Monday, May 4, 2009

The Righteous Lib

Welcome to the Big Tent


When I first heard that Pennsylvania Senator Arlen Specter had left the Republican Party I was confused because I didn't know there was still a Republican Party to leave.  All I see these days is an ever-shrinking group of racist, flat-earthers that is completely out of touch with the average American.  These fools that cling to the name Republican have about as much relevance to today's politics as the village blacksmith does to our transportation system and Arlen was smart enough to know it.


I've always liked Specter even though for years he was in league with the bigots.  But on the big issues, like the Republican coup to take over the government by impeaching President Clinton, Arlen stood tall and voted the right way.  More recently, when most of the other Republicans were trying like mad to stop the plans of the greatest President we've ever had by opposing his economic stimulus plan, Specter placed the good of the country over partisan politics. 


Now of course the hate-mongers like that fat drug addict Rush Limbaugh are trying to put their own spin on Arlen's defection from their worthless cause.  As usual they're throwing a ton of crap at their target in the hopes that something will stick but their main argument is that Specter was going to lose the Republican primary to some guy you've never hear of, Pat Toomey, since if you're like me, you probably don't attend the Klan meetings in rural Pennsylvania.  For some reason the Republicans think this is a great argument but I think it's dumb.  To these fools it makes sense to stay in the Republican Party and lose and it's stupid to switch to the Democratic Party and win.  No wonder these guys have gotten their ass kicked two elections running.


I can relate to Arlen's decision because I once faced a similar situation and did the same exact thing..  I used to panhandle down on Bishop Street and I was cleaning up until one day this gimp with no legs started begging right across the street from me.  Pretty soon I was getting jack and this guy was cleaning up.  I thought about kicking his ass but what good would that have done?  It would have only made him more pathetic than he already was and he would taken even more of my money.  So just like Arlen, if you can't beat them, join them.  I worked out a deal with this guy.  I would roam the side streets and push people his way, begging them to hook up my "dear old 'anakala" who'd lost his legs in the war.  We were cleaning up until the dumb ass got a job but that's not the point.  I was never going to beat this guy so I teamed up with him instead and got what I could.


Even though Specter himself is a pretty good guy he's been helping the Republicans ruin the country for a long time so it would only be natural to think the Democrats might be a little wary of him.  But I'll tell you what a great guy my man Barack is.  He welcomed Arlen to the party with open arms and promised to campaign for him.  It takes a big man to forget the past, to forgive Arlen for all the damage he's done, and embrace him, but that's what my man Barack's all about.  There's a lot of room under Barack's tent and since he's always right you don't even have to think about what you believe in.  Barack's like the Greyhound of politics:  sit back and leave the thinking to Barack.  Sounds like a good deal to me as long as he keeps shoving that government money my way.  Keep those Republican checkbooks close, braddas. 

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