A Day in the Life
As a public service, we present a day of King Hussein Obama's "tweets" from the popular social networking service, twitter.com
King Obama: (7:10 a.m.) Matt Lauer is tearing up that half Chink, Michelle Malkin http://www.humanevents.com/article.php?id=32914
King Obama: (7:10 a.m.) What the hell is Kabuki theater?
King Obama: (7:11 a.m.) Matts's one of the good ones. A true friend of the administration. Of course most of the media is a friend these days with the exception of…
King Obama: (7:15 a.m.) Quick check of Fox & Friends. No low cut blouse today. Too bad. The only two reasons I watch Fox is Gretchen Carlson.
King Obama: (7:25 a.m.) Kicked Michelle's sleeping butt on the way out. She's getting so big these days. How could I miss that fat ass?
King Obama: (7:35 a.m.) Out back with the boys from the kitchen. First cig of the day.
King Obama: (7:40 a.m.) God damn Jerome. He's a chef. Reminds me I owe him a hundred bucks on last night's Sox game. Better have another cig.
King Obama: (7:50 a.m.) Nicotine flowing. Ready to face the day.
King Obama: (8:00 a.m.) Staff meeting. Hooray!!!
King Obama: (8:03 a.m.) Rahm Emanuel just farted!!! What the hell did he eat last night? Gross!!!!!
King Obama: (8:08 a.m.) First stupid comment of the day by my spokesman, Robert Gibbs. Eight minutes. That's a record for him.
King Obama: (8:22 a.m.) What a shock. Meetings all day. I can't wait.
King Obama: (8:29 a.m.) Here comes Joe Biden. Remind me to kick the shit out of Caroline Kennedy for recommending this a-hole.
King Obama: (8:37 a.m.) Trying to talk to this guy is like trying to build a house out of Jell-O.
King Obama: (8:40 a.m.) He still wouldn't admit saying we didn't know what we were doing when we passed the Stimulus Bill was stupid. WTF!!!
King Obama: (8:43 a.m.) He's getting pissed now. Somebody call the Secret Service.
King Obama: (8:48 a.m.) Joe's girlfriend called. He's not pissed off anymore. Saved by the bell.
King Obama: (8:52 a.m.) Joe left early to hook up with his girl at the secret location. I hope his wife wasn't listening when he disclosed the address. LOL.
King Obama: (9:02 a.m.) More trouble. The Blue Dog Democrats are here.
King Obama: (9:05 a.m.) Rep. Stephanie Herseth Sandin (South Dakota) is running her mouth. She's more dog than blue.
King Obama: (9:08 a.m.) Boring.
King Obama: (9:13 a.m.) Boring
King Obama: (9:16 a.m.) Oh no. I'm getting tired.
King Obama: (9:18 a.m.) Help. I'm getting tired. I'm getting…
King Obama: (9:52 a.m.) HOLY SHIT. Somebody just smashed a book down right in front of me. I must have dozed off. Better do something.
King Obama: (9:53 a.m.) Offering them all a beer didn't work. They're still pissed that I fell asleep.
King Obama: (9:57 a.m.) Promised each of them a $500 million stimulus project for their district. I'm popular again. Back to work.
King Obama: (10:10 a.m.) Can you believe these guys? I just gave them half a billion bucks and they're worried the health plan will cost a trillion dollars. Talk about ungrateful.
King Obama: (10:15 a.m.) Savings. Savings. Savings. That's all these guys talk about. Don't they think I know what I'm doing?
King Obama: (10:22 a.m.) I just accused them of wanting to ruin my presidency. That shook them up. They're mouths are hanging open.
King Obama: (10:22 a.m.) I'm outta here. Drop the bomb and don't give them a chance to respond. Smoke break!!
King Obama: (10:30 a.m.) Hanging with Charlotte from the cleaning service. Third cig.
King Obama: (10:35 a.m.) Charlotte's got a nice ass, unlike my bloated wife. Time for one more cig.
King Obama: (10:50 a.m.) Quiet moment in the Oval Office before the next meeting. Wish I was back in Kenya.. These meetings suck.
King Obama: (11:03 a.m.) That was quick. Tim Geithner got here at 11. I asked him if he could do anything about the economy. He said no and left.
King Obama: (11:03 a.m.) Nothing to do now until lunch. Think I'll check out The Price Is Right.
King Obama: (11:07 a.m.) Drew Carey is alright but I think Bob Barker was better. I guess change isn't always better.
King Obama: (11:12 a.m.) I hate Plinko!!!!
King Obama: (11:25 a.m.) Must be Brandi's day off. That sucks.
King Obama: (11:35 a.m.) If I hurry I should be able to get in a quick smoke break before the showcases.
King Obama: (11:50 a.m.) Made it.
King Obama: (11:56 a.m.) How in the hell can you bid $60,000 on a trip to Spain and a Honda Civic? STBY
King Obama: (11:58 a.m.) I called it. It was only $25,000, less than one week on the Vineyard for me. LTS.
King Obama: (12:01 p.m.) Lunch is served and here's my wife right on time. She's never late when food's concerned.
King Obama: (12:06 p.m.) She's really stuffing it in. I just saw a spark coming off her fork when she hit the knife. I just lost my appetite.
King Obama: (12:08 p.m.) Never fear. She's eating my lunch too.
King Obama: (12:12 p.m.) Lunch is over and she's off. Thank God. Time for another cig.
King Obama: (12:20 p.m.) It's a nice day. Think I'll take a stroll on the grounds and smoke a few more. The press won't take any pictures.
King Obama: (12:30 p..m.) Son of a bitch. I just stepped in dog shit. Where's that damn dog?
King Obama: (12:36 p.m.) There's Bo, that black bastard. I'm going to kick his ass.
King Obama: (12:40 p.m.) Hard to run and text. Bo chase. Mean. Never kick again.
King Obama: (12:41 p.m.) Those Secret Service guys are good. I'm not sure if dog bites are in their contract though.
King Obama: (12:55 p.m.) Back in time for the next meeting with my new Surgeon General, Dr. Regina Benjamin.
King Obama: (1:06 p.m.) OMG!!! You wouldn't believe what this fat chick Benjamin is saying.
King Obama: (1:07 p.m.) She wants to BAN twitter as a public health hazard!! WHYYYYYY
King Obama: (1:10 p.m.) This isn't good. She's starting to make sense.
King Obama: (1:20 p.m.) I'll try and sum it up. Basically she feels once everybody tweets all the details of their life…
King Obama: (1:20 p.m.) they'll realize what a boring existence they lead and want to kill themselves.
King Obama: (1:21 p.m.) I can understand. Most people are sheep. That's why we have to provide their health care and their houses and their cars, etc…
King Obama: (1:21 p.m.) I think I'm going to authorize her to ban twitter. I better stop tweeting. I don't what to look like a hypocrite.
King Obama: (1:22 p.m.) See ya!! Smoke break!!! J