Friday, August 28, 2009

The Righteous Lib


Enough Already!!


You have to give the racist, hate-monger Republicans an A for effort for digging up this pathetic loser Cindy Sheehan to protest against my man Barack while he's on vacation.  Any decent person would show a little respect and give someone like Barack, who's been working so hard on their behalf, a break while he tries to relax on his vacation but I guess common courtesy is too much to ask of this Republican stooge.  When I see the flat-earthers dig up such a warped person as this from the country's sewers I shudder to think of how many similarly deranged individuals they can draw upon when needed to thwart my man Barack's plans.


Who does this Cindy Sheehan think she is anyway?  So her son was killed in Iraq.  Boo, hoo, hoo.  A lot of families lost sons in Iraq but I don't think Barack had anything to do with that.  You might remember we used to have a stammering, country-bumpkin as commander-in-chief named Dubya.  Did all you fear-mongers forget about him?  And why is it Barack's fault that her son was too stupid to get a real job and had to join the military?  From what I hear, this loser's son not only joined the military once but signed up for another tour while he was fighting in Iraq.  How stupid is that?


What really burns me is that all the networks can't get enough of this woman.  I'm so sick of turning on the tube down at the shelter and seeing her face.  The coverage of this woman and her deluded followers never ends.  Props to ABC's Charles Gibson though.  Out of the whole lot of them, only he has the guts to say "Enough already: and tell her to knock it off.  We need more objective journalists like this guy.


Apparently this lunatic is mad about Barack's commitment to kick ass in Afghanistan.  Why does Barack want to do this?  How is the hell should I know?  All I know is that Barack says this is what we have to do so that's good enough for me.  Why should I waste my time thinking about this kind of stuff when the smartest man in America is already on top of issue?  If you racist Republicans out there could stop yelling and put down your hate-filled posters for a few minutes you might just realize that a guy as smart as Barack is always right and get on board his movement for hope and change.  I'm sure though there's as much chance of that happening as hell freezing over which we all know is impossible due to global warming.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

On the Lighter Side with Limis Ward


My Summer Vacation


I spent my summer vacation on Martha's Vineyard, which is a small island off Cape Cod, Massachusetts.  To be honest, I didn't want to go on vacation because we've been traveling all over the world with my Daddy this year.  I would have rather spent the week at home with my new dog.  Mommy hates my dog and wouldn't even let me bring the dog on vacation.  Mommy says she'd pull a Vince Foster on the dog if she thought she could get away with it.  I don't know who Vince Foster is and I don't think I want to find out. 


Here's a daily diary of my vacation:




We flew into Otis Air Force Base on my Daddy's big jet.  The guys there were really great.  I exchanged a lot of statues and high-fives with the soldiers.  Everything was going great until they told us we were going to fly on a helicopter to Martha's Vineyard.  Daddy hates to fly on helicopters and he got really nervous.  He told the pilot to wait so he could smoke three cigarettes to calm his nerves.  Boy did Mommy get mad.. 


On the flight Daddy was whining like he always does.  Mommy finally had enough.  She hauled off and punched Daddy right in the gut.  Mommy has been eating a lot lately and is getting really big.  I'm sure that punch really hurt.  Daddy doubled over in pain and stayed doubled over for the rest of the flight, softy whimpering.




I had a good time playing on the beach and then in the pool with my big sister and my two baby cousins.  This place is ok but it's nothing compared to Hawaii which is where my Daddy is from.  I would have rather went back to Hawaii but Mommy said we couldn't go there.  She said if we keep going back to Hawaii it will make us look like rich snobs.  I heard Daddy is paying over $35,000 for this place so I don't know what she's talking about.  My sister said I better keep studying because the way Mommy and Daddy are spending money we're going to be broke.  I've been studying real hard and I don't need anything from Mommy and Daddy anyway.  I can take care of myself.  After all, I am eight years old.




Rough day today.  We drove up to a little town on the northern part of the island called Oak Bluffs.  We walked around and saw these neat little houses that looked just like the houses in the game Candyland.  Then we went to some store about a black dog which was really cool.  Things started to go bad when we went to an old wooden carousel.  They told us it was the oldest carousel in the United States..  We were having a good time riding when Daddy tried to talk to the people gathered around the carousel..


Daddy never talks to people.  Instead he reads words off a big box that his employees carry around.  One of Daddy's employees tries to type in words for Daddy to say but it didn't work to good.  People got tired of waiting for Daddy to answer them and they ended up walking away.


I asked Mommy why Daddy always has to read something off a box instead of just talking to people..  Mommy said Daddy is too stupid to carry on a simple conservation.  I told Mommy that I didn't care that Daddy was a dummy.  He's still my Daddy..  I had to go to bed without any supper.




Some of Daddy's employees came to visit today.  You should have heard the screaming.  Daddy called one of his employees, Robert, a lot of bad names.  Robert is a fat, middle aged guy who says a lot of things on behalf of my Dad.  I don't think he does a very good job and neither does Daddy.  Robert yelled right back at my Dad saying that his job was impossible.  I can't wait for Daddy to fire him.


Then Daddy and Mr. E took a long walk together on the beach.  I don't trust Mr. E.  He scares me.  I heard he used to be in the Army overseas.  I bet he killed some people over there.  I don't know why Daddy likes him but I wish he'd just go away.




Another tough day.  Daddy and Uncle were talking politics.  Daddy started complaining that he was tired of the Chinks pushing him around.  My Uncle, who is Chinese, got real mad.  He stormed out.  I'm going to miss my cousins.  They're really cute. 


Daddy had to work again so we didn't do too much.  I don't know why we even went on vacation if Daddy has to work all the time.  Mommy said that a lot of bad guys are attacking Daddy and he has to fight back.  I don't know why Mommy doesn't fight back for Daddy.  She's a lot tougher than Daddy.  She smacks Daddy around all the time.




Today was a lot of fun.  One of Daddy's friends, Mr. Woods, came to visit.  Mr. Woods is a really big guy and is very nice.  He has a lot of money.  He loves to golf and he brought us each a brand new set of golf clubs.  He spent a half hour teaching us to play golf.  I've never played golf before but with Mr. Wood's help I was doing pretty well..  So were my sister and Mommy.  I was able to hit the ball straight down the middle of the fairway about a hundred yards.  Mr. Woods called me "The Natural."


Poor Daddy.  No matter how much Mr. Woods tried to help him he just couldn't get it.  It was really embarrassing.  It didn't help that Daddy was smoking cigarettes after every shot.  Mr. Woods told Daddy that he'd never be any good at golf if he didn't quit smoking.  Daddy just laughed and blew smoke on him.




We all woke up and nobody knew where Daddy was.  Mommy ordered the servants to make breakfast.  It was really good but Mommy didn't look to happy.  When Daddy finally came back, Mommy started yelling at him.  Turns out Daddy went to a nude beach down the road at Aquinnah.  Mommy asked where the beach was in Aquinnah.  Daddy said it was at Gay Head Cliffs.  Mommy went nuclear.  


Mommy's always ripping on Daddy because he's like a girl.  I'm a girl so I don't know why that's bad but Mommy thinks it is.  Mommy's so tough I don't know why Daddy has to be tough too. 


Daddy ran off to play golf again so we just hung out on the beach.  We're leaving tomorrow.  I can't wait to go home.




Daddy was afraid to go on the helicopter again so we took a boat.  It was fun.  The sailors were really cool.  They made me an honorary ensign and I got to drive the boat.  Unfortunately the boat rocked back and forth a lot and Daddy got sick.  I don't think we'll be taking any boat rides again.

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Wednesday, August 26, 2009

The Righteous Lib


Do It for Ted!


All you racist, conservative, hate-mongers must be dancing today.  The people's President, Senator Edward "Ted" Kennedy is dead.  For one day at least, you can stop screaming, put down your posters comparing my man Barack to Hitler, and turn your rage on an easier target:  a dead man. 


The flat-earther Republicans outrage against this man is pretty selective.  Their hero, Dubya, can stumble around drunk for half his adult life and all they will tell you is what a great Christian man he is.  Ted drives drunk once in lifetime spanning over seventy years and you'd think he'd killed someone by the way they're reacting today.  Unlike their spoiled brat, rich kid Dubya, who had everything handed to him on a silver platter, Ted had to claw his way to the top through hard work.  Ted won nine separate elections to the U.S. Senate fair and square.  Dubya never won an election in his life although he did steal a couple but I guess that's ok down at RNC headquarters.


Of all the disgusting things these Neanderthals are saying today the absolute lowest attack is the defacing of the moving cartoon by esteemed New York Times cartoonist, Jeff Danziger.  In this cartoon, Danziger paints a heart-rending picture of an aged Senator Kennedy standing on a pier being helped into a sailboat filled with his three dead brothers who all look young and healthy.  And lest we forget, Ted's brothers, Joe Jr., Jack, and Robert were all killed serving this country unlike Dubya who never served anything but a highball.  Unfortunately I've lost the link to this shocking mutilation of this soon to be classic cartoon but I saw on one of their hate filled websites that a conservative loser added a drawing to the cartoon of Mary Jo Kopechne in the water, flailing around, desperately trying to get into the boat, and another drawing of a nude Marilyn Monroe lying on the deck with a beer in her hand.


What these racist losers will never understand is that Ted is being mourned by the whole nation because he stood for the little man.  Ted did more for the little guy in one day than Dubya and all his clown supporters have done in their collective lifetimes.  Look at all the welfare programs Ted has championed:  Medicare, Medicaid, Food Stamps, TANIF, and Supplemental Social Security.  Without these programs, my lifestyle might not be possible.  Because of Ted, I don't have to work.  My basic needs are taken care of and I'm free to hang out on the beach.  And I'm not the only beneficiary of these great programs.  What about all the people benefiting from these programs in our inner cities?  Take a walk through the South Side of Chicago, Camden, New Jersey, or Compton, California.  This is Ted's legacy.


God called Ted home before he could realize his greatest achievement, providing free health care for all.  Fortunately for Ted, and God for that matter, my man Barack is on the job.  I don't care how loud you racist, hate-mongers yell, Barack will beat you in the end.  And now we have a rallying cry worthy of our cause:  Let's pass responsible healthcare reform, including a public option to keep the private insurance companies honest, now for our fallen hero, Ted! 

Thursday, August 20, 2009

The Voice of Experience


Partnership Dissolved


Once again the smartest man ever to serve as President, King Hussein Obama the First, has got himself into trouble with his big mouth; this time with his remark that "We are God's partners in matters of life and death" during a conference call on August 19th with a group of rabbis.  Of course you'd think a man who's been derided so often by his critics as the "Messiah" might hesitate to declare himself the equal of God but apparently common sense is far too pedestrian a quality for someone as brilliant as our reigning King.


Now usually when I hear about a controversial quote like this I try to go back to the original source and try to put the quote into context.  After all, how many times have the liberal hacks in the media tried to make conservatives look bad by twisting our words?  But as I searched for a transcript or a recording of the call I found out that His Majesty's words were supposed to be off the record.  The rabbi in attendance, Jack Moline, who originally released the quote in a twitter feed (to Sarah Palin!!) later deleted his comments "saying that it was a huge mistake".  And Rabbi Josh Yuter, who has released the most complete account of the call to date , wondered if he should even be writing about the call at all.  As a Jew myself, I can only congratulate these rabbis on their highly developed sense of guilt.  Somewhere two Jewish mothers must be very proud.


And not betray my own sensitivities but I wonder why the call to a bunch of rabbis had to be so hush-hush when later that day His Majesty had no problems with being recorded when he addressed a much larger interfaith group of clergy in a conference call sponsored by a Christian-oriented group, Faith in Public Life.  You can listen to the King in his own words at that group's website or at  Why whisper to the Jews off in the corner and then shout to the Christians in the main room? 


Since this post is taking on a religious tone, I can only say heaven forbid you should listen to the entire 40 minutes of Faith in Public Life's conference call like I did.  God forbid you should know such things.  However if you want a good laugh, skip ahead to the 30 minute, 15 second mark which is approximately when the King is introduced.  Ordinarily when somebody introduces the President of the United States, even when the President is a screw up like Obama, the speaker rabbles on and on in an effusion of praise, which I'm sure the President's Tele-Prompt-Ter thought would happen.  Instead, in this case, the liberal clergy picked a 15 year old girl to introduce His Majesty and she simply said:


            I'd like you all to join me in welcoming our President, Barack Obama


It's funny to listen to the King stumble through the following as he realizes how inappropriate his remarks are after that lame introduction:


            Thank you so much, Carla, for the wonderful introduction.


You'd think the most brilliant man ever to serve as president could have ad-libbed something like, "Thanks Carla and it's so wonderful to see someone so young taking an active interest in a national affairs."  Instead the dummy inadvertently called attention to how inappropriate her lame introduction was.


So for those of you who are still with me in this ever lengthening post, what led the King to declare we were God's partners?  According to witnesses, as reported in the Politico story listed above, Obama was referring to a Rosh Hashanah prayer that says at the start of each Jewish New Year it is decided "who shall live and who shall die."  For all of my non-Jewish readers, a more complete explanation is probably required.


The prayer being referred to is the "U'Netaneh Tokef Kedushat Hayom" which means "Let Us Tell How Utterly Holy This Day Is"  As someone who's sat through many a Rosh Hashanah morning service, I can tell you the recitation of this prayer is a very powerful and moving part of the service.  The King lifted his quote from the following:


On Rosh Hashanah will be inscribed and on Yom Kippur will be sealed how many will pass from the earth and how many will be created; who will live and who will die


Later on in the prayer, we note that God's decision can potentially be changed if we change our behavior:



Remove the Evil of the Decree!

Hence, our current sage, Rabbi Obama, claims that we are a partner with God because we can potentially change His mind.


Now I don't claim to be a Talmudic scholar like Obama but I know a little bit about my own religion and I think Obama's statement stretches the metaphor of the prayer almost to the breaking point.  In the prayer, God is compared to a shepherd and mankind is compared to his flock..  And each "sheep" will pass "under His staff" and God will determine their fate.  But as noted above, if we change our ways, God will lift the decree.  But instead of being partners with God, we are supplicants.  God determines our fate and only by following his ways can we change this fate.  Consider this quote from the end of the prayer which highlights the difference between man and God:

A man's origin is from dust and his destiny is back to dust, at risk of his life he earns his bread; he is likened to a broken shard, withering grass, a fading flower, a passing shade, a dissipating cloud, a blowing wind, flying dust, and a fleeting dream.

But You are the King, the Living and Enduring G-d.

On a more general note, only a completely irreligious man would dare to say he was a partner with God.  His comments border on sacrilege.  Personally, I'd bet Obama, like most liberals, doesn't give a damn about religion, and is only turning to the clergy now because he's desperately trying to find a way to sell his healthcare plan.  Since the argument on the facts is turning against him, he's trying to turn the debate into a morale one.  And as disclosed in the following article from Commentary, this new strategy for pushing his healthcare fraud was the real reason for these conference calls.  


A rabbinic student who received the URJ (Union for Reform Judaism – VOE) invitation and participated in the call sent me an e-mail about it that read,

President Obama spoke for about 20 minutes, then got off the call and we listened to three other rabbis who had prepared discussions about "helpful" Torah and Talmud texts, and how to craft a "non-political" (that is, pro-Democratic Party but wouldn't be able to get into legal trouble) sermon. . . .

• Pres Obama urged us explicitly to discuss healthcare reform in our high holiday sermons. He said repeatedly, "I need your help in getting this information across." My personal feeling is that it is an abuse of the pulpit to propagate a specific political agenda in that venue. . .

Sounds like the young rabbinic student knows a little bit more about Constitutional Law then the former editor of the Harvard Law Review.  Maybe Obama was out smoking dope on the day they covered the First Amendment back in law school so perhaps I shouldn't be so tough on him but you'd think some of his liberal friends might have mentioned at one of those parties he's always throwing at the White House how they'd like to see churches advocating conservative causes lose their tax-exempt status.


  • In 2004, Americans United for the Separation of Church and State asked the IRS to revoke the tax-exempt status of the Roman Catholic diocese in Colorado Springs because its Bishop threatened to withhold Communion from those who disagreed with the church.




In a way, it would be funny to see some congregation lose their tax-exempt status because their clergy stupidly followed the Kings' advice and openly advocated for his healthcare fraud.  I'm not into conspiracy theories but maybe the King is secretly hoping for such a result.  After all, the King is spending money at such a tremendous rate that he needs every dollar he can get, even if he has to rob it from the offering plate. 




Wednesday, August 5, 2009

The Voice of Experience


The Beginning of the End


The only thing that everybody can agree on in the debate on healthcare reform is that this month will be crucial to the success or failure of the Democrat's irresponsible and foolish plan.

Both houses of Congress are basically taking the month off so these 31 days are a chance for each side to take their case to the people and hopefully build support for their position.  Democratic Congressmen and King Hussein Obama the First's minions thought they could rally support for the plan by holding a series a townhall meetings to explain their proposal.  Instead, they have been greeted by hostile crowds demanding answers and wondering why such a drastic change is required.  Now both sides are engaged in mortal combat.  The attack ads are already on the air.  Rallies are being planned and both sides are pushing to get as many people as possible to these townhall meetings.  And His Majesty, in a somewhat frightening effort reminiscent of Orwell's 1984, is asking that his subjects forward any email messages containing "misinformation" about health care reform to the White House.  .


It's still early in August.  The fight is just beginning.  But if you read yesterday's post entitled Crybabies, you might have been surprised by the ending where I conclude that the King and his minions are about licked on this issue.  I base this conclusion on years of observing liberals and because of the liberal opinion piece that I'm about to share with you, I'm more convinced than ever that I'm right.  And here's why.


Every modern liberal proposal has the following life cycle.  Call it Kennedy's Law.  First, a bunch of liberals sitting in a coffee house concoct a ridiculous, totally unworkable, self-serving idea.  Then these liberals propose this idea to the serfs and await the thanks of a grateful nation for their brilliant contribution to mankind.  When the serfs object and dare to question these liberals, they are completed surprised.  They call the serfs uninformed, stupid, and under the control of evil forces who actually seek to exploit said serfs.  The liberals cry and whine and work themselves up to such a froth that they finally pull out their most powerful weapon:  claiming that their opponents are a bunch of racist, white guys.  Once that tired old argument fails, the liberals are beat and left wondering where they went wrong.


Of course the obvious answer would be that their idea sucked and nobody with any sense would think it was good but to admit such a thing would be equivalent to admitting that modern liberalism is a bunch of B.S.  Instead, true to form, they slink back to their coffee houses and think up excuses for their failure.


Today was truly a great day.  I saw the first such article chronicling why they are failing on the liberal website, The Huffington Post.  This morning the article was the lead opinion on the site but by this afternoon it had been buried, replaced by several more aggressive opinions about the need to fight the evil Republicans.  The liberals aren't going to go down without a fight but I suspect many of them, like the author of this post, David Bromwich, a professor of literature at Yale, can see the handwriting on the wall.


Bromwich's post is the standard liberal crap, explaining the unexplainable and twisting facts into an unrecognizable reality.  Most of what he says isn't even worth mentioning except for the following illustrations of tactics frequently employed by liberals in their never-ending war on common sense:


1.  Distortions of Reality


The professor argues that Obama didn't do enough to get his message out to the people.  He should have made a major speech about healthcare reform to educate the public.  Instead, once he encountered opposition, he had to hold a series of townhall meetings to tell the serfs what was really good for them.  He then relates the following story:


On July 30 the New York Times ran a story about a woman who owns a small business and has followed the president from place to place to ask him a question. Is there, she wanted to know, a single government program that has ever done anything right? (She got that knock-down challenge from talk radio.) Obama replied with two examples, Medicare and Veterans Hospitals. The business owner who had chased him down with supreme confidence in her mockery was surprised to hear those two sober examples. Nobody had told her.


What a touching story.  Almost brings a tear to my eye, the poor stupid serf, influenced by evil men to hate this wonderful man who's trying to help her. 


For some unknown reason, the dumb ass professor put in a link to the New York Times story.  Here's an excerpt from the actual story about this woman's response to His Majesty:

She asked, "What current long-term social program created and run by the government should we look to as a model of success and one that we as taxpayers should be confident that a new government-run health care system would be better than the current system in place?"

The president suggested both Medicare and V.A. hospitals, which, he said, "have very high satisfaction rates." Further, he added, "Medicare costs have gone up more slowly than private sector health care costs." The answer didn't fully satisfy Ms. Briguglio. "I've never associated any government program with 'cost-effective' or 'efficient,'" she said in an interview today. "I don't believe that the government will be a better steward of the money that I set aside for health care for my employees than I will be."

So in the professor's alternative universe, this woman is completely mollified by His Majesty's brilliant answer.  In the real world, this woman is still skeptical.  And go back and read the story closely.  It never mentions that she got the question from talk radio.


2.  Outright Lies.


Check out this whopper, no introduction is even necessary:


This president wants to move big, but he also wants to move slow; he wants to start a great change, but not to be the prime mover…But while he is working in the background in foreign policy, or leaving things to Congress in domestic affairs, those who are angry, Cheney, Limbaugh, Netanyahu, the big insurers, say what they please. They don't much care whether it is true. The errors "take," as errors will.


Like him or hate him, one thing you can't accuse King Obama of being is "slow".  He demanded that a trillion dollar stimulus plan be passed immediately so unemployment wouldn't hit 8.0%  After that flop, he ran all over the globe apologizing for the bullying manner of former President Bush, stopping back in town just long enough to waste another $400 billion in new spending for the current fiscal year.  Then he came back, nationalized the auto industry and tried to ram through a cap and trade bill that would significantly increase energy costs for every American and in essence nationalize the healthcare industry, all by the first week in August.  Obama's breakneck speed has become his trademark, so much so that radio host Rush Limbaugh has taken to speeding up audio clips of His Majesty's speeches and even some liberals are begging him to slow down.


3.  Opponents are Evil


Just look at the last quote.  Cheney, Limbaugh, Netanyahu, the big insurers:  they're all liars and they don't even care.  There couldn't possibly be some merit in their arguments or rational explanation for why they disagree.  The modern liberal doesn't even consider such a thought.  For a group such as liberals that pretends to be so diverse, they're openly hostile to conflicting opinions, with their fairness doctrines, hate speech, speech codes, and pies in the face for anyone who dares to oppose them.


Modern liberals aren't liberal in the classical sense, i.e. supporting freedom, but are instead authoritarians.  Radio host Mark Levin calls them "statists."  Regardless of what you call them, you'd think that a group that considers themselves so smart and believes so fervently in their ideas would be willing to debate them openly at every opportunity.  Instead the exact opposite is true.  Look at how many times the modern liberal tars their opponent.  Who would care what George Bush or Sarah Palin have to say, they will tell you.  They're so stupid.  Rush Limbaugh is a big fat hog.  Michael Savage and Rick Santorum are homophobes.  Dick Cheney is evil.  When's the last time Al Gore debated somebody about global warming?  Try never.  Instead he claims his opponents are equivalent to Holocaust deniers. 


I'll stop ranting here in a minute but I can't leave this heading without mentioning the outrageous treatment of Sarah Palin by the liberals.  Within days of her choice as our vice-presidential candidate, the liberals unleashed a tidal wave of fury on her.  She was stupid.  She was nothing but a pretty face.  She was trashy.  Her youngest child was actually her grandchild.  Then they found out her oldest daughter, who was 18 and unmarried, was pregnant.  The liberals jumped for joy and set out to destroy this poor girl.  They mocked Palin on Saturday Night Life and then gave awards to the mockers.  The late night talk hosts made her the butt of every possible joke, even stooping so low as to say Palin's underage teenage daughter was sleeping with a baseball player at a Yankees game.  And for the final insult, Hustler Magazine made a porno flick with a Palin look-alike called Nailin Paylin.  Very few liberals ever objected to this brutal treatment of a woman whose only crime was that she dared to oppose their anointed savior, King Hussein Obama the First.  (By the way, it's a sad state of affairs when the porn industry is actually more bipartisan than our politicians.  Shortly after the debut of Nailin Paylin, a porn flick about the Democratic nominee for vice president was released, Ridin' Biden.  I've never seen either movie but from what I hear the move about Biden isn't that good.  The movie starts out with Joe Biden talking to a slutty looking young woman but Biden talks and talks so much that the young woman just gets up and leaves before she removes a scintilla of clothing.)


4.  You're Too Stupid to Know What's Good For You


Once again, no introduction needed:


Somewhere at the bottom of the missteps of the last few months is a failure to recognize the depth of the popular ignorance a president of the United States confronts on any issue.


This argument takes many forms and is a popular one among liberals.  My personal favorite variation of this one was when the Republicans were winning election after election; the Democrats would say that "the people are voting against their own interest."  I've never understood how on the one hand the liberals could claim to be the champion of the little guy while on the other hand claiming the little guy is too stupid to know what's good for him. 


This argument also reinforces another popular belief among liberals which is that they are so smart.  When's the last time the Democrat's candidate was just a hard working, well-meaning, man of average intelligence?  Bill Clinton was a master of detail, able to speak extemporaneously on any topic at the drop of a hat.  Al Gore was so brilliant that even as a layman, he knew more than scientists who had dedicated their whole lives to their chosen fields.  John Kerry was nuanced.  He was too smart to see things in black and white.  Only a genius like Kerry could vote for something before he voted against it.


And then there was Obama.  Even though this guy's so dumb he can't say two words without a Tele-Prompt-Ter, the liberals will bore you to tears with tales of his brilliance.  He beat out 18 people to become the editor of the Harvard Law Review, but he never wrote a single article for the publication.  He's so smart that he wrote two autobiographies.  How many people can say that?  Obama was so smart that he somehow went from an obscure state senator to a U.S. senator at the relatively young age of 44.  Of course these liberals will never tell that the leaking of sealed testimony from his Republican opponent's messy divorce sealed the deal.


In short, Obama's an empty suit and some of the liberals like Professor Bromwich have figured that out.  Once His Majesty loses on healthcare reform, the myth of his invincibility will be shattered.  There truly is hope on the horizon but now is the time to take the fight to this man and his minions.  Stonewall Jackson said that once you get the enemy running away, never ever let up.  With a little luck and a lot of hard work, the King's fall may turn out to be a fast as his rise.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

The Voice of Experience




If you can ever get an aging liberal to talk about something else besides how much they love King Hussein Obama the First or what a scumbag George Bush was, most likely this liberal will wax nostalgic about the halcyon days of the protests against the Vietnam War.  Oh yes, those were the days, your gray-haired, former hippie freak will tell you as they sip their herbal tea.  The evil conservatives, the military-industrial complex and their sycophants in the media were all stopped dead in their tracks by a rag-tag bunch of kids armed with nothing but a righteous cause.  Protesting, this liberal will tell you, is the highest calling a man/woman can aspire to. 


But oh what a difference forty years makes!!  Now that protesters have risen up against their beloved leader, his Majesty Barack, and his worthless minions, these hypocrite liberals employ all the old arguments against civil disobedience that were once hurled at them.  These modern protesters don't represent the average man..  They're evil and under the control of dark, unseen forces like the insurance companies or heaven forbid, the Republican Party.  They go to these townhall meetings, not to rationally discuss healthcare reform, but for the sole purpose of disruption.  The forces of law and order, formerly known as the pigs, should drag their screaming asses out of these meetings, Constitutional rights be damned.


As I've often said, to be a good liberal is cultivate a short memory.  Up to just a few months ago, protesting was a noble art. Who can ever forget that miserable hag Hillary Clinton screaming at the top of her lungs:


I'm sick and tired of people who say that if you debate and disagree with this administration, somehow you're not patriotic. We need to stand up and say we're Americans, and we have the right to debate and disagree with any administration..


Well for all you liberals out there who are so pissed off about the disruptions of these townhall meetings about healthcare reform, here's a list of some disruptions that you all seemed to approve of:


1.  Protesters threw shoes at the White House and a 30 foot blow-up doll of President George Bush, complete with a long-Pinocchio-like nose.


2.  Protesters repeatedly interrupt President Bush's Fourth of July speech in 2008, calling him a "war criminal" and "fascist."


3.  Code Pink activists disrupt President Bush's Second Inaugural speech, screaming "Champagne is flying while soldiers are dying" and "Out of Iraq now."


4.  Code Pink activists interrupted Sarah Palin's speech at the 2008 Republican National Convention, yelling "Women say no to war" and "Women need a peace vice-president".


5.  Two protesters interrupted a March 8, 2006 hearing of the House Appropriations Committee considering additional funding for the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan by reading a list of U.S. war dead.


6.  Protesters against the 1999 meeting of the World Trade Organization in Seattle engaged in a shocking display of violence; vandalizing storefronts, windows, blocking streets, etc. and ultimately fought a day long battle with police for control of the City.


7.  As you can see this list could go for ever but I can't stop without including my personal favorite mode of liberal protest, that old staple of slap-stick:  the pie in the face.  Here's a partial list of victims.



Of course, most liberal hacks will tell you that a foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds even though they probably wouldn't be caught dead reading the works of a dead white guy like Emerson.  However a brave few have noticed the inconsistency in the liberal attitude towards protest and spoken out, , though if you read this post closely even this liberal loses his nerve at the end of the article but at least I give him points for the effort.


If the liberal Congressmen are stupid enough to continue holding these townhalls about healthcare reform, I'm sure we'll see continued protests and more liberal whining.  Just today, the liberals have pulled their trump card, claiming that the protesters are nothing but a bunch of racist, angry white males..  If I've learned anything from observing liberals over all these years I've learned this:  that once they start crying racism that means they're about licked.  Even though the liberals have crossed the Rubicon on healthcare reform, it looks like the Ides of March for this disastrous plan is close at hand.


Monday, August 3, 2009

On the Lighter Side with Limis Ward


Chicago Style


Chicago Style stumbled upon a frightening scene the other week which shook me so severely that I've hesitated to mention it.  While communing with nature as I walked along the Des Plaines River, I encountered a host of law enforcement officials recovering the remains of a body.,2933,520915,00.html  Imagine such a brutal crime occurring in our metro area!!!  It's unthinkable!!!


Thank God we have such a crack state police force.  One officer, who filled out his Government Issue uniform very well thank you, confided to Ms. Style that they have a lead on the killer and expect to make an arrest soon.  According to our hunky cop, witnesses report that a tall, thin, bi-racial man in his late forties was seen smoking a cigarette in the area around the time authorities estimate the body was dumped.  And our fast acting police also told Ms. Style that they've heard rumors that the suspect might have fled to the Washington D.C. area. Just what our nation's capital needs, another criminal.   Stay tuned for further updates.


Now on to the questions.


Ms. Style, I'm a CEO of a prestigious, global corporation.  As such, I received an invitation to have lunch with our President at the White House.  After a lunch consisting of hot dogs and baked beans, the President's aides demanded payment for this pedestrian fare.  I was too stunned to object and I sheepishly paid their outrageous fee but I always thought that the host paid for the meal, not the guests.  Am I wrong?




Hey Gassy, wake up!!  Not everybody in the world follows your white-bred Harvard Business School rules.  Try a little diversity.  It's a big world out there.  In Chicago, if you're lucky enough to meet a big shot like Obama, you better bring your wallet.  Who do you think you are anyway, Mayor Daley? 


Oh by the way, what's wrong with hot dogs and baked beans, you snob.  If you'd taken the time to learn the proper etiquette, you'd have known that in Chicago your host always has a big bottle filled with Tums for the inevitable heartburn that follows lunch.  You paid for it but you were too stupid to know what to ask for. 


I'm a reporter for a prestigious newspaper and have the plum assignment of covering the White House.  Like all Americans, I was overjoyed at the election of Barack Obama and looked forward to an exciting four years.  But once Obama took office, his aides informed us that the President would only take questions from a pre-selected list of reporters.  I was selected once but for all the other press conferences, I was not allowed to ask any questions so I was about as useless as tits on a bull.  Should I ever bother to show up for these farces?




Come one Prop.  Just because you're not allowed to ask a question doesn't mean you don't serve a purpose.  President Obama is an important man and the whole world hangs on his every word.  How would it look if only five reporters were sitting there to ask his opinion?  You may only be a prop in a given press conference but you're fulfilling an important role.


Ever been to a movie, Prop?  They fill a crucial role.  What would Psycho have been without the shower curtain or Northwest by Northwest without Mt. Rushmore?  Look at it this way.  You may not be the star but the star needs you to shine.  My advice is to shut your mouth, sit there and make Obama look good.


I've been a news photographer for years.  My work has appeared in every important publication in the country and I've made a good living.  For the first time in my career, my bosses are refusing to publish my work.  More specifically, I've got a series of candid photos of President Obama smoking cigarettes, including one at the Vatican.  My bosses tell me that these photos portray the President in an unflattering light and they would prefer not to print them.  When Bush was president, they never had such a problem.  I had pictures of Bush's ugly legs as he jogged, pictures of him throwing up, and even a picture of him looking down some chick's blouse.


My motto has always been to report the facts and let the chips fall where they may.  I feel like I'm comprising my integrity and should resign.  On the other hand, things are so screwed up right now that I don't think I'd get another job and I need the money.  What should I do?




You're way off base on this one, Principled.  First of all, I don't know where you get your news but Ms. Style knows that things have never been better in this country.  Every since President Obama's bold, unprecedented stimulus plan took effect, the economy in this country has been booming.  There's millions of jobs out there.  If you're really as good as you say you should have no problem finding a new job.


I think your belief in this myth that the economy is in trouble and that you'll never get another job is a warning from your subconscious that your principled stand is a bunch of crap.  Of course your bosses loved your pictures of Bush because he was a screw up and was rightly attacked and ridiculed at every turn.  President Obama is different.  Historians are already in complete agreement that Obama is the greatest president this country has ever seen and they are now debating the idea that Obama should suspend the Constitution and rule as a dictator.  Personally, I'm all for it but I don't what to turn this into a political column. 


In short, why pick at this great man's little flaws?  Nobody's perfect, not even God.  Hell, the Earth He created was so messed up once that He had to flood the whole damn thing and start from scratch.  If God could screw up this badly surely you can cut the President a little slack.


My husband recently took on a high profile, stress fulfilled job that is causing me a lot of problems.  This job is out of town so I had to quit my own high-paying job and relocate my whole family.  As part of this job, I'm expected to fulfill the role of the "good wife" and I spend my day hosting parties and wasting my time on charity work.  This job also involves a lot of travel.  We've been all over the world and I'm so screwed up that I don't even know what time it is.


I really miss Chicago and wish we could come home but my husband's job lasts another three and a half years, plus he has an option for another four years after that.  I'm in hell.  And to top it all off, with all the pressure, my wrecked career, and the bullshit work I do now, I've become really depressed and turned to food as my salvation.  I'm really packing on the pounds lately.  My ass is becoming huge and my husband's friends are starting to notice. 




Big Ass


Ms. Style is so sick and tired of fatsos like you BA, wining and bawling about the inevitable results of your poor choices.  Did you ever think about how much you hogs are costing us because you can't use your fat arms to push yourself away from the table?  Go sit down at a computer, sans chips, and check out this article about how much money I pay for your healthcare


My advice to you BA is to suck it up, join a gym, and stop eating like a pig.  And you better hurry up.  You're husband sounds like a pretty successful guy.  He may get sick of sleeping with a fatso every night.  You might get your wish to come back to Chicago sooner than you think because he might just throw your big ass out on the street.  Did you ever think of that?  Well I did which is why I'm Chicago's foremost expert on style and etiquette and you're just a fat hog.


Editor's Note:  Chicago Style is taking a short vacation before she travels with our most famous citizen, President Obama, to Martha's Vineyard.  Look for Ms. Style and the President to show those stuffed shirts up there a thing or two about how we roll here in the Windy City.